Hobbies=Sex

Dr, Jehova Rova is self help specialist that has worked in the field for over three decades. He is the author of best sellers

Evil Children

Sexatude

The power of goodbye forever

 Hobbies and Evil

Jehova Rova, has kindly donated an article about Hobbies.

Hobbies=sex

Having a hobby helps to make you seem like a more interesting person and gives you something to talk about with other people, which more often than not can lead to sex.

 My hobby is myself I find I can talk endlessly on my chosen hobby, even providing, photographs, films and events based around it, which gives me lots of opportunity for sex with myself and other people.

Finding a hobby to pretend to be interested in is a great way to meet other people, and meeting other people is a great way to have more sex.

Learning something new is always tiresome and boring, to invigorate a hobby and to keep yourself interested become as competitive as possible with your hobby, and others try to win at your hobby at all costs, whether it be archery or needlework take no prisoners, otherwise what’s the point? (Remember, people like to have sex with winners)

 Hobbies give the illusion of making you a more interesting person. mixed with lies and deceit you could be having sex night and day!

Picking your hobby can be troublesome; you want something that is going to involve as many people as possible to ensure the maximum amount of potential sexual partners. Here’s a list I compiled of potential hobbies you can try in your area to have more  hobby sex.

Needlecraft

Witchcraft

Space travel

Wig making

Meditating

Bus spotting

Spray tanning

Record breaking

Trampolining

Deep sea diving

Top tip: Prostitution is the most profitably hobby known to mankind and you can achieve the maximum amount of sex through this lucrative hobby and past time, especially if you are willing to push yourself to the limits.

Dr, Jehova Rova 

Lighten up ! its as bad as you think!

Lighten up it’s as bad as you think.

But so what! After 20 years of reading self help books and blogs and trying out lots of different kinds of therapies I have finally had a break through, that I want to share.

To survive mentally my advice is to stop caring, become cold and create a delusional world filled with glitter.

Lighten up it’s as bad as you think! Is my new mantra.

Sometimes things seem worse than they are, or sometimes things are worse than they seem, the point is I’m always gonna be a  hermaphrodite  and their aint no amount of self help or buddhist chanting that’s gonna change that. ( only invasive plastic surgery and a major live style choice)

 So why care about it, I have decided to lighten up in spite of my debt/gender/sex addiction/jobless/health/eviction/gambling/drug/alcohol/implant issues. I am gonna break through my inescapable problems with a smile on my face  and delusion in my heart.

So join me, give up on thinking and planning and doing, and start living!  I dedicate this post to all of you out there, who haven’t found that someone, or that something, maybe your still looking? It’s time to give up on the search and get to living! Join me with smile in your face and no hope in your heart and be happy, maybe things will come your way someday my guess is they probably won’t so don’t waste your time waiting. Better get to living! Take it away Dolly

Being ugly what to do?……….

NancyTwiggs in da picture….and a real inspiration

ANON1. question.…

I would like to know if there is a way to accept being ugly that doesn’t involve deluding myself with false hope or positive statements. I am not so ugly that if you see me you will think “wow he’s so ugly”. Trust me when I say I am being objective when I say I am ugly. It wasn’t easy to confirm it with various people since most wouldn’t want to offend me. Now I just need a way to be ok with it. Thanks.

ANON 2 Answer…….

I’m ugly too (and I’m a woman). It used to bother me quite a lot when I was a teenager. I don’t care anymore.

Really, being ugly is just a fact of life – just like having blue eyes or like being short. There’s nothing wrong with it. Some people are beautiful, and some aren’t. You and I are on the un-beautiful side of the spectrum. So what?

Yeah, I’m ugly. Every so often, I look at a picture or video of myself and I wince. But the only thing that my ugliness is keeping me from doing is employment as a model or free stuff.

And, as someone mentioned, I don’t need to worry about losing my looks as I grow old. I’ve never had them. So, while my peers are getting depressed about their wrinkles and gray hair, I sail through that trauma unscathed. My looks are such that wrinkles and gray hair won’t make any difference (and may even be an improvement).

Really – who cares? Live your life. There’s nothing,(except invasive of plastic surgery), that you can do to change the way you look. That’s just what it is. So who cares? Your ugliness doesn’t mean anything about you as a person, it doesn’t prevent you from doing anything you want to do, and it won’t prevent you from getting girls if that’s what you’re worrying about you can always pay.

So relax. It’s OK to be ugly.

I wish I new Anon2 she is a real inspiration.

I Personally think that you should wear your ugliness as a badge of honor, think of it this way,if your ugly then you probably don’t look like anyone or anything human, your unique.  a one off. if you have a hump in this day and age then throw glitter on it. plastic surgery is for fools, enjoy your saggy body, enjoy being over weight, if anything highlight your “problem areas” take no prisoners!  I myself have suffered for years with ugly ankles, I was ashamed to face them, and would hide them with socks and bellbottomed trousers afraid of being taunted. not any more they are on show permanently I am now living the dream and so can you. Remember animals don’t judge!

Things to do this weekend?

This weekend I will be visiting Heathrow airport for a day trip, I have never been and feel I really need to see all the sites of London before my assisted suicide later on this year. I’m so excited I feel like a school girl tourist again! The rush and feeling of the airport will make for a great daytrip.” I plan to get up about three in the morning my bus to Heathrow departs at 3.20 AM; my arrival time at the airport is about 4.00 am.

 I want to get there early to have the experience of what it would be like to have the trouble of getting an early flight. I’m planning to wear a suit and take a suitcase as to pose as a business man. I will make full use of the café’s and toilets not to mention the newsagents. I am hoping to talk to other people at the airport, and create a story that my flight has been delayed; I will enjoy moaning about this and moaning about airlines and how things never used to be this way. I will be checking for any real delays that occur through out the day hoping that there is one or more, this way I get to complain to the staff and perhaps even fill out some complaints forms.

I will wine and dine in all the cafes and restaurants on offer, a highlight of my day will be having a short nap in the Baby changing room. I will spend the remainder of my time watching the planes leave and arrive from the window. Just imagining what it would feel like to actually leave England. I’m planning a long stay at the airport as I want to experience what it would feel like to get the last bus from the airport and 2.45 am Sunday morning. Anyone who wants to join me is very welcoming, bare in mind there will be role playing involved, costumes and wigs. Fat sunburnt moany people with children encouraged!

How to cope….

I have been through some really tough times in my life (hairwise) and have often found it hard to cope. Most recently I was devastated when my imaginary cat Queen Mab commited suicide. Thankgod for friends and family in these times of need and Wo. here’s some top tips from Ehelp on how to cope, with anything! whether it be an attempted murder or animal sex , ehelp offers  simple steps that can be practised in your own home, at gym class, or even in a friends car!.

Remember the golden rule of life, Always do what’s right for you, even if that means the ruination of others!

• 1.Become someone completely new. Create a persona based on maybe a soap character or someone from an advert that you admire, create a new identity based on your idol including accents and wigs. Have a funny thing about you like, you always eat pork scratching or you have an allergy to people,places and things, be creative!
• 2. Create your own history, fill it with storeys of degradation and misery, throw in some up tempo celebs that you have fucked like Nancy Twig and Paula Abdul. Have a drug problem that you still struggle with, like being addicted to cat nip or herbal teas.
•  
• 3. Dress Like a slut male or female slut it up, be overly flirtatious in every situation
•  
• 4. Shag everyone you meet; this will boost your confidence and make you seem really attractive.
•  
• 5. Try to connect with the devil inside yourself through massage, try eating raw lard.

         6. keep an illegal animal , Shag your best friends partner, use sex to really get over any situation the more depraved the better you will feel in the short term.

Your mental>?

Part two- are you mad? celebrating Mental Health week- Kevin Clarke

Do you ever worry about how high your hair is getting?, or set off for your office job only to arrive at a theme park. Perhaps you get anxious before Saturday night TV or you wake up most mornings laughing and crying at the same time. Perhaps your paranoid that you have killed people in your sleep or that you are likely to do this at some point.

 These are normal reactions to the twists and traitorous turns of modern life.  But all these actions can also be unsurprisingly seen as symptoms of mental illness.

Those with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) know this only too well. Classic symptoms of the illness include repeated checking of wigs, and continual moustache brushing.

It is motivated by a genuine and deep-rooted fear of monkfish.

Social Anxiety

This can be when over wearing wigs and too much makeup really comes into play. People are trying to hide there true selves in this instant and often want to appear as bright as a clown. In order to hide there true boringness.

Body dimorphic

This is when individuals see themselves in a mirror and are satisfied with what they see, instead of the fat lidle pudden everyone else will see. Mental illness is often about deluding ourselves that we are attractive, sociable and that people like us.

Phobias

A phobia is an unreasonable fear of any product endorsed by Jimmy Saville. It may cause major disruption to life because it imposes such restrictions on the way people live. Carol Thatcher can cause such paralysing fear that a person may remain isolated in their own home, afraid to go out. Other common phobias include fear of People, animals, places and things if you have this combination please email me for further help. Iam_kev@hotmail.com

If you are worrying about maybe being mad my guess is that you probably are, take DA crossword on mental illness to confirm things. If you are mad I’m afraid there isn’t much help, it’s about acceptance and altered states to get through your mad, crazy life.

 

 

Are you mad?

Earth has become a terrifying place, and being mad is one of the biggest fears we all face.

 Fear is often about acceptance. The second fear many people face on finding out that they are “legally insane” is that of being found out. Here I offer a guide to avoid being found out in the public arena for being a mad person.

  1, Be cheerful but not overly so. Say hi to people at fruit and Veg shops only. Try not to be yourself in public; Chances are people will not respond  to this.  Just act like a person who is having a lot of fun, not too much fun tho!. Remember, if you act like you are mad, people will call the hospital for the insane hotline and have you picked up! People are always on the look out remember be vigilant!

 2. Pretend you don’t like chocolate.

 3. Try not to show emotion, sensitivity, or anger too easily (especially at fruit and Veg shops). Try to keep a laid back, calm, and happy attitude, even when something doesn’t go your way. Others may get suspicious if they see you are difficult, neurotic, insecure and overemotional. That doesn’t mean that you should be aloof or cold as this will also arouse suspicion.

 4. Practice basic rules of hygiene. Mad people usually stink and have severe haircuts. Over perfume and use wigs and false teeth to avoid being easily detected. This is a quick fix illusion of well being.

 5. Ask people about themselves. Listen and look interested in what they have to say, even if you are not. If you are in a conversation and hear yourself saying ” my head is being squeezed by Satan” or “ I’m gonna fuck up next doors dog if it’s the last thing I do,” , stop yourself and say something bland instead about the weather or the colour beige.

 6. Pretend you have memories, be colourful make things up from your past involving border collies.

 7. Compliment people. Tell the other person something you admire about them. “I love how full and bouncy your ass is,” is a good start. But don’t over do it, some people may not know how to take a compliment, may become uncomfortable by compliments, misunderstand it or may take some compliments as an insult. Remember (if you can) People are always on the look out for insane people.

 8. Everybody knows mad people like to dance even when there is no music playing,

It is kind of unnerving when you are talking to someone and they are doing the charlston or the Macaraina.

You can’t tell if they are listening or not. Whoever you’re talking (or listening) to, try not to dance even when the music is playing in your mind, foot tap if you need movement. Repeat the word “Barbara” over and over in your mind to quiet down the music.

 10. Brag about yourself to strangers.

 11. Wear bright colours so as to distract from the uncomfortable insane things you might say to people.

11. The best way to avoid madness detection is simply to avoid people and drink lots of milk.

Take our “Are You Mad? questionnaire”

Are you Mad?

Take a multiple choice questionnaire to find out!

1. 1.       When your in a social setting you:
   1. Feel you want to cut people and eat them
   2. You talk about old Oprah Winfrey episodes
   3. You cry uncontrollably

       

1. 2.       You Feel as though people are trying to ruin your life do you:
   1. Alphabetise all your belongings
   2. Cut the crotch out of all your clothing
   3. Laugh uncontrollably in supermarkets?

 

 

1. 3.       Deep Down how do you feel about most people
   1. You want to have sex with them
   2. You never notice them
   3. Most people are annoying you only deal with them because you want chocolate from them

1. 4.       When it comes to meeting new people you
   1. Tend to remember smells
   2. Don’t remember them
   3. Ask them for money and chocolate

1. 5.       If someone makes fun of you you:
   1. Call the police
   2. Have them killed
   3. Try to have sex with them

1. 6.       If someone challenges you, you:
   1. Ask for money and chocolate
   2. Kill them and have them stuffed
   3. Call the police

1. 7.       When it comes to compliments you
   1. Give them often but they’re not genuine
   2. Love to receive them but wish people would go into more detail
   3. Don’t understand the difference between an insult and a compliment

1. 8.       If you mess up and do something wrong at the post office you:
   1. Move towns and change your name
   2. Ring the police and confess
   3. Try to get sectioned

If you answered mostly ones, a holiday in Skegness could do you the world of good
Mostly twos: buy a rabbit
Most threes: your not well love

Riot!

“I want to get out more, and meet new people, try something new, meet a sex partner for life”

This is an all too familiar statement that I hear in my own head all day long.

 I have recently been researching hobbies, that I could do to meet new animals or a husband. I have tried everything from pom pom making classes, Leaning about the plague,  beginner word computer classes, not to mention  animal grooming classes, and still I have met no friends, husbands or real animals.

That was until I found the London Riot re enactment society! I havent been yet but I am a real enthusiast already. I would really like to re-enact a violent riot of the future that hasn’t happend yet, i have put my request forward to the group. I am also interested in acting out pretend riots or ones with plague themes. This to me is a great way to meet new people and have some fun. remember “guyz” to see all new people you meet as potential funeral guests, you want that church to be full don’t you? Join me and lets cause a riot for no reason?

London Riot Re-enactment Society

 

Join the London Riot Re-enactment Society now!
just send an email to join

The London Riot Re-enactment Society will stage re-enactments of noted riots from London’s history, with some attempt at historical accuracy. We will tap London’s rich history of rioting, and make these riots live again, in our re-enactments.
If you read a bit about the Gordon Riots or Wat Tyler’s peasant revolt you will see that the re-enactment of these riots will take vast numbers, and a lot of planning or luck, so we may start with a smaller, more recent riot, such as the Poll Tax riot. But don’t worry, the numbers will grow, so far 100% of Londoners who have heard about the LRRS have expressed an interest in joining.Fictitious riots

We could re-enact riots that so far exist only in books or films. One idea would be to re-enact the riot at the end of Seaton Point. It involves police, bailiffs, vampires and a portal to hell under a tower block in Hackney. If you have any other suggestions for fictitious London riots to re-enact please send them in.

http://anathematician.c8.com/lrrs.htm

Kimi’s Dilema

People have been writing to me with there problems all day,  a writer for damagazine Kimi is currently looking for somewhere new to live and has been to see a few places and was kind of interested in a house share in the place mentioned below. She forwarded me the letter of her potential landlady asking whether I think she should move in. On reading it their was no doubt in my mind.

Hi Kimi

Too much to say in a text so here you go…

There has been another change and this time Ryan has decided to opt out.  I’m quite shocked by this, as we have had a few meals together and from my perspective we had a good laugh over a bottle of wine, but suddenly he has decided that he doesn’t think he will fit in as I am a bit too passionate about cats and socialism! This is true I am a raving marxist (I teach philosophy and politics!) and also a mad cat woman, a feminist and I worship a Goddess,  but I would never want to force my views on anyone that is why I advertised for cat lovers who want a democratic house share as this would attract similar people.    This is because cats make themselves at home in all of the communal areas and some people that are not keen on cats do not like this in which case the situation would not suit them.  Ryan was not so specific in his ad on the forum which is why you were attracted to the ad (not being particular fussed about cats, but I dare say you dont detest them either).

To be honest when we met yesterday I felt that it would be you that I would make the offer to as I liked you very much and absent mindedly forgot to ask you about the cat thing, when the other lady arrived who was also very nice but expressed how much she likes cats and that she would be there to look after him on weekends I was torn but swayed on the cat topic.

I have advertised Ryans room on a few websites and we need to fill it asap.  However as I know you like the house and I would feel very happy if you took the room, I am offering it to you although I understand if you do not like this room or more over feel a bit messed about due to the recent experiences then you might decide to decline and I completely understand that.

I would just like to add thatI have found setting up this house a real challenge, its been very very stressful and at the end of the day, a risk.  I appreciated your reply last night which I thought was very kind and expressed no hard feelings.  So whether you decide to take up the room or not I would like to take you up on that drink.

If you decide to take the downstairs room we can all meet one evening this week and get the forms filled in for the landlord and all be living in the house by 1st June.  If you I dont hear from you I will take it that you don’t want to the room, and that’s fine too.

All the best

 Amber Von